Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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