A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
