We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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