I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
