is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
