I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
