I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I need to align my fucking chakras
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
