it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
