I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
