Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
