Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
