I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
