I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
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She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
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Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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