plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
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I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
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Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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