Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
