No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
