that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize