I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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