apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
