Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I cannot find my penis.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
