You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
