You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
