Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i came on her dog
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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