i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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