He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
