I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize