dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
