Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
