VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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