you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
