Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
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Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
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It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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