Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
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