i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Randomize
