My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
