sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
pray to the hookup gods
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize