shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
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You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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