my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
They have beer where we have blood.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I pour the whiskey from now on
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
