So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
