Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
In other news, I just burned my penis
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
