We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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