yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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