Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
