Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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