u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
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