The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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