I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
