Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
