So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
