It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
