shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
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