At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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