yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize