I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
