I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
