I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
