i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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