Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
