literally had 100 drinks last night.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just puked most of my soul out..
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
