well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
