Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My vagina just clenched in fear
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
