i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
