Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
