If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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