Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think I am morally bankrupt
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
