Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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