I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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