I think I died a long time ago.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
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I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
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I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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