Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
