So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
