Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
