do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
