lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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