i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
