note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
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If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
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Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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