We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
