A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
