so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
