So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
