Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
