Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
