I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
